Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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