My friends, they love my intelligence
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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