Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry đŹ
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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