I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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