fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
