You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
