the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
