There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
