im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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