i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
