i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
