So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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