Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
