There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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