Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
