Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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