This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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