I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
