Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
