u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
