I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
