so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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