I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
