I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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