he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize