you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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