Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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