Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
