I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
