All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
