I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
