You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
