she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
