The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
