I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
