if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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