I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it penis luge time yet?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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