Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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