It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
