my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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