Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
