I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
