She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
