census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
