I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
