So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
