I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
