Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
