Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
