When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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