wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
