im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
