And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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