i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
