nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
