peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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