I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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