just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
