pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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