i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
