At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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