he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
