This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
