I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Terrible idea I love it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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