i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
