i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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