So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
