Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
