I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
