Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
