she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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