Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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