nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
