This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize