i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
