so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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