So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
